Congratulations as you prepare to send your student off to college!

How can you help?

Your students are entering an exciting new time in their lives–and your role is also in transition.

Allow your student to have agency in the transition to college

As your student prepares to head to campus, communicate with them about deadlines and making a plan for who’s going to do what. Allowing your student take ownership of the process in an important step in their path to being independent young people. Make it easy for your student to come to you for help, and keep in mind that they want your help with some things and not with others.

Establish a communication plan 

You may want to discuss communication preferences with your student before they move to campus. Some families find it comforting to decide together to set aside a few specific times each week to talk. Once they start classes your student will be busy with classes and activities (perhaps at times of day that seem odd to you!), and they may or may not find it helpful to get lots of calls or texts from home.

Use active listening and open ended questions

When you do check in with your students, talk about how things are going in general. Have they had a chance to try that new ice cream flavor at the Dairy Bar? What’s something interesting they learned in classes? Be supportive and engaging, and remember that things you may have helped them with in the past (such as due dates and bedtimes) are now their responsibility. Listen without fixing, and know that one of the greatest gifts you can give your student is to help them believe in their own ability to make decisions. It’s hard, but try not to tell them what to do unless they ask!

Campus Resources

Your student already has the strengths and experiences necessary to be successful. It’s now about using them within a new academic context, and sometimes that means accessing campus resources. Reassure your student about the opportunities and resources that are available to them on campus. There are so many ways to get help here on campus. Resources are here to help your student be successful, but those resources are only as impactful as the extent they are used. Instead of trying to solve their problems, help your student figure out – if they want your help— who on campus can help them. Students may want your help developing their independent-asking-for-help muscles–or they may want to work on that on their own. (It may be useful for you to know that if you reach out to us, we will likely ask you to have your student get in touch with us.)

Periodically reflect on the “Why”

Why is this educational opportunity important to your student, your family, your community? When students remember the meaning and value of their education, that can provide the strength to navigate tough times, that first bad grade, that challenging roommate, etc.

And when they come back home…

When your student comes home for breaks, remember that they have been learning and practicing a new set of independence skills. You and your student may need to discuss and re-negotiate the expectations you have of each other. Unless they ask, your student most likely does not need reminders about waking up, due dates, homework, etc. Still, you can expect your student to contribute to household chores like any other member of the family (dirty dishes in the sink, we see you!).

(PS: students from warm climates have told us they appreciate when their families help get them organized with Ithaca-appropriate winter gear, whether through a shopping trip or helping them access campus resources.)

Where can you get help?

You can get help at office hours!  But, what are office hours?

Professors and teaching assistants schedule time outside of class to meet with students. These are called office hours. Office hours are times when you can meet with your professors and teaching assistants to discuss the material being presented in class or other related interests you have. Course-related discussions include asking for extra help, seeking clarification of material presented in class and following up on aspects of the class you find compelling. In addition, students also discuss majors and programs of study, and graduation requirements, as well as summer internships, graduate schools, campus events, and much more.

Most professors do not require that students attend office hours. They expect students to decide for themselves when they need or want to participate. Professors usually announce their office hours on the first day of class or on their print or web-based course material.

Most Professors and teaching assistants do not have lessons planned for office hours. They expect students to “drive” these meetings with their questions and their thought. A good way to prepare for office hours is to attempt your homework and review your notes from class and from readings and identify as clearly as you can what you do not understand.

Do not be surprised when the professor and teaching assistants reply to your questions with questions of their own. They are working with you to uncover the source of your questions. Often they will ask students to show them their work and where they got stuck. They may ask you to explain what you were thinking as you moved from step to step. They may ask you to generate alternative ways to solve a problem. Hopefully they will help you change how you think about the material so that you can answer many different kinds of questions about it- not just the question on the homework that is stumping you. Don’t be surprised if they ask you to solve another problem before you leave the office.

TIP: You can always go with a buddy to office hours! Talk with your peer before you go and plan your questions and what you are going to ask!

What Office Hours Are NOT

Office hours are NOT related to activities in high school that require students to stay after school. They are not detention or negative consequences for poor decisions. They are also not a place where the instructor will do your homework for you.

What are my responsibilities as a student going to office hours?

To make the very most of your time with your instructor during office hours, you should:

• Study your textbook and lecture notes thoroughly and attempt the assigned problems before you go to office hours.
• Try to identify specific questions or concepts you need to address during the office hours.
• Expect instructors to ask you questions about the material. They do this to find out what you understand, and to provide you with information and strategies tailored to your individual needs.
• Be patient! Several students come for office hours at the same time. If the instructor is especially busy, you may have to wait a little longer for individual assistance. Use this time to study the material.
• Expect the instructor to suggest general study strategies to help you improve your overall academic performance. These strategies will help in all of your courses.
• Avoid waiting until the day before the test or the day before an assignment is due to seek assistance. Study a few hours each day, and keep up with your assignments. It is EASIER to keep up than to catch up!

Use other resources such as formal study groups and informal homework-help groups.

Keep a positive attitude about the subject and about your potential to excel. Your attitude will go a long way in determining how well you do in your course!

New to Cornell?  Don’t forget to check out our page on learning Cornell’s unique lingo!